Sunday, May 9, 2010
Today my head is filled with many thoughts. My Mother passed away when I was just 14. I still miss her I am now 57. I had to call my oldest today because he is in a residential care center many miles from me and did not have the money to call me. I had to call there 7 times to finally get someone to answer the phone. They kept hanging up on me when the person on the other end tried transfering the call. I finally asked the person that answered to please connect me to my son somehow it is Mothers day and it wasn't just for my sake that I was calling that he was probably unable to call me and I know he wanted to talk to me today. God bless that lady...I got to talk to my oldest son, she held me on the line until she got somebody to answer and I was finally connected.
That made it a better day....For both of us....
Happy Mother's Day!!!!
To my Youngest I think about you everyday...I love you..I pray for you...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Most of the items that you see on my blog were either swapped or traded in various groups I have belonged to. I do not sell my art but have used it as fun.....or an outlet, an expression. I may change this at some point and change directions completely. I'm not sure where I'm going right now.....It is my time to rest...and collect my thoughts. The altered(assemblage) dolls,hand made silver crosses and journals are the only things that are still in my posession. The collage "Brain Storm" Is in the posession of my ex boyfriend against my wishes....as well as other pieces I made specifically for him.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
This is a different post for me And I hope no one gets offended. This is an attempt to reach out to my son who I have not seen for some time. since I got a glimpse of him at a Pep Boys Garage where he did not speak to me. I was quite ill at the time.
What I want to say is this ... people can say and do many things and paint many pictures about a person that may actually not be true about them. I am thinking that people may have misinformed you about me.
Truth is I am sick that's why I thought you would do better somewhere else. They made me think I was totally and completely worthless. Truth is I wasn't wothless because my son, If you remember I did quite a few things before I had my break down...
I supported both you and your father for a long time because your father was mentally ill.
I took the bus back and forth to work getting home very late because I had to take the last bus..
I took care of you both..
Food I always provided no matter what i had to do.... going to food pantries..walking riding the bus, what ever...
cars that broke down
I walked you to school everyday because we did'nt have a car...
we took buses to the doctors many doctors because I didn't know what was wrong many medications because I didn't know what was wrong. What was wrong?
I got up in the middle of the night when you were screaming and crying and comforted you.....
Meanwhile your bother twenty years older than you was in a care facility because of a closed head injury and I loved him too...but your father wanted me to forget about him......
Your father hurt me greatly...he used you to hurt me too...I know he is mentally ill...SO AM I...I deserve forgiveness for breaking down...I deserve some respect for trying to hang in there for as long as I did.....I am a beautifull person. Don't you want to know me...I loved you with my whole heart and I knew you did not respect me. What was I to do? Some day I hope you will learn enough about me to finally respect me. Maybe you can speak to me without cursing me or telling me you hate me. Aren't you the least bit curious? Search your heart...............Have you ever wished you had taken a different road in life? I know I do>
I left your father once when you were six months old because he had abused me. I went to a shelter. I called your grandmother to tell her where we were so she would'nt worry. Your dad was there. She said he was so sad he would never do it again. I talked to your Grandfather and he said run, run don't go back. Then your dad got on the phone . I told him where I was. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!!! He came and I went back home withth him and you know, things just never got any better....I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU AND RAN LIKE HELL.......I WISH I HAD..... I WISH I HAD......I LOVE YOU....MOM